Living a Life on Loan

"Those who say 'Yes' are rewarded by the adventures they have, and those who say 'No' are rewarded by the safety they attain." - Keith Johnstone.
Being a very anxious person when in unfamiliar situations or when I am not surrounded by people I have no doubt love me regardless - I love safety. I don't know when this happened. Maybe it has always been this way, but growing up in a small town where friends are born together and graduate together, there is very few times that you are not surrounded by people who love you. There are few unexpected things when I was growing up. And there was always consistency in my life - as I recall it. So, perhaps it was college...no not then either...nevermind, I know when - when my friend left college. My only friend, who came with me from my small town to college, he left. Then, my security blanket was gone. It was then I experience the anxiety. What are these people thinking about me? Am I good enough for them to listen to me?
I drove home every weekend to be back with my friends, where I was safe.
There was no adventure...I had gone from "most laid back" with my friends and being Miss social; to an anxious, boring and scared person.
People have proven unreliable time and again. They come and go - I can not allow my future to rely on people. I can not have them choose my reward. I want the adventure. I want to experience all God has planned for me. Nothing was safe about what Jesus did, his entire life was an adventure.
The only consistent thing in the world is Jesus. Why has it not been enough for me to have Jesus as my security blanket? Why is it that I have not gained my confidence to boldly move forward - from His love? Knowing he loves me undeniably...How can I get to this point? How have I not got there already?

Nearly 8 months...

Nearly 8 months have passed since Mac arrived. Babe is still not accustomed to his presence. But, she puts up with him crawling over her - literally- and using her ear to pull himself up.
More importantly, we are getting back to the life we should be leading. We've been blaming lack of sleep, looking for a church that has leaders worth following, and dealing with an infant - for our lack of serving others. Scott and I are never closer to God than when we are serving Him and His people (being all people).
So, while Mac naps, I attempt to read some of the book "Living a Life on Loan." Loving it and going to share some quote and ideas on here. My first blog was called Stretching and I hope to keep on Stretching. My son needs an example and it needs to be my husband and me. No more excuses. If everyone who had a kid used it as an excuse to not serve...how would we pass that down from generation to generation. Christian service would end.

He arrived...

Biggest cone head ever! Couldn't feel a thing - not even the "pressure" I was suppose to. Only ten minutes and there sat Macowen James...(whose name has already been changed to Macoen).
So, life began...or ended.
And the cone head disappeared. And the belly fat is still hanging around.

The Wait...

Well, I did drive to Mom's (quarter mile) and let her dog out. However, my feet have been throbbing since then and I am waiting for them to stop before I get back up. The house is all painted downstairs. Our ceiling is back up. Much of our furniture is in the correct room anyhow. Landscape done. A/C unit in and working. Floors finished.
Saw dust still all over half the rooms. Stairs wait to be finished. My school supplies have to be moved over here and a place found. Our hospital bags are half way packed. Our dog finally got to come home and stay the night at our house for the first time in nearly two weeks.
Now, I wait...wait to be able to get some stuff done. Wait for the baby to arrive. Wait to sleep on my stomach. Wait to see if he's healthy. Wait to see if I really get to be a mom. Wait to see if I am one of those parents that thinks my ugly baby is cute. Wait to see what who it looks like. Is this really gonna happen this time?

Poop!

Poop! *giggle*